things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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