a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
