Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I would ride that face into the sunset
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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