I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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