If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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