Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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