come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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