Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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