and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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