Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
