No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
