So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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