mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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