Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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