He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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