Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
