And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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