well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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