its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
