whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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