Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
