i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
