you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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