dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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