cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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