Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
