i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
