Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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