I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
