i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
