WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
