Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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