he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
