in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I touched a dick in church today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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