someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
