when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why did my mother make you get naked?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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