I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
