guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
