we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
