I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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