He told me they were just razor bumps!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
