Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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