The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
