you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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