HIV tests are more positive than that guy
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
