how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I party with great urgency now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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