dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
