You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
