Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
