I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
