ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
