I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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