the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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