Swine flu. Run for my life!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
