Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
