listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
