This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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