i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
