A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
