Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
