I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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