i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
