You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Never joke about your clitoris.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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