At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
