D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
