Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
