I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
