i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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