i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
